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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Sunday, 27 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Duffel Blog

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Sunday

27 September 2026

1510 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
· Page 2

New girl on base 'totally hot', report multiple sources at Guantanamo

Filed · 1546

GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA — Numerous sources at Naval Station Guantanamo Bay are confirming the sighting of a new female employee on the base this morning, and many are speculating on her current rating.

"She's like an 8, and I don't mean a Gitmo 8," said Master at Arms 3rd Class (MA3) Frank Newman, assigned to the Joint Detention Group (JDG) and charged with guarding the detainees currently held at Joint Task Force detention camps.

Newman is referring to the common practice of assigning a numerical rating to women based on their physical attractiveness.

"A GTMO 8 pretty much tells you that she doesn’t have any visible scars or a club foot. For comparison, a 7 means she doesn’t sweat too much, and a 6 is mostly likely confirmed as female."

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