ARLINGTON, VA – Police were called last night to the scene of Jason's Tap, a popular bar in Arlington, after a U.S. Marine who lost both legs in Iraq became belligerent and assaulted five other patrons who were watching a football game.
Sergeant Jonathan Coleman is facing charges of unruly conduct, assault, disturbing the peace, and forcible sodomy with a bottle of Happenin' Habanero wing sauce.
Multiple eyewitnesses reported that a group of regular customers had gathered for a quiet evening of watching New York thrash the shit out of Dallas, when "the door flew open and in rolled this guy in a wheelchair wearing a Dallas jersey and a USMC hat," according to witness Anthony Derren.
After the bar patrons stood and broke into a spontaneous applause, Sergeant Coleman allegedly responded, "Well well fucking well, what have we here!?!? Looks like another squad from the pussy platoon who doesn't want to fight for their country."
