BOSTON, MA – The top administrative soldier at the Massachusetts Army National Guard’s 215th Military Police Battalion never misses an opportunity to mention her Bronze Star citation during conversations both on and off duty, according to official sources.

Captain Lori Stewart, the battalion S1 officer, earned the award last year on deployment to Afghanistan.

“Captain Stewart’s a pretty good S1,” reported her battalion executive officer, Major Michael Sullivan, “but to hear her talk about her time down range [in Afghanistan], you’d think she got a fucking Distinguished Service Cross or something. I mean, shit, she was a battalion S1 who never left the wire. If I knew how she’d act afterwards, I’d have submitted her for a fucking ARCOM.”