WASHINGTON, DC – In a surprise move sure to cause controversy in the military community, Defense Secretary Leon Panetta has signed a memorandum authorizing men to join the United States Army’s Adjutant General’s Corps.

During a press conference regarding the latest change in policies dealing with gender equality in the armed forces, Panetta explained his decision.

“During this time of coming fiscal austerity, it is important that we are able to select the best personnel for the job, regardless of sex. I assure you, the standards we enforce for AG soldiers will not be relaxed in any way; our AG soldiers – whether male or female – will still need to be able to lift accordion folders above their heads, type at high speed, and deploy to the field at least once per enlistment period or every three years, whichever occurs first.”