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Actual issue preview

This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.

Story Roundup

Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.

Situation Report

A State Department map that relocated most of Africa, one ambitious government travel card, and 5,200 medical students moved from dorms that definitely do not have mold.

BREAKING: Massive search underway for hot italian chick spotted at base chow tent

CAMP STONE, AFGHANISTAN — American soldiers are engaged in a massive search for a hot new Italian chick after she was first spotted in the Camp Stone Chow Tent line late Sunday night.

The incident happened around 8:30pm in the grilled cheese line, which is adjacent to the main line near the entrance of the tent.

According to junior troops, a long-legged, dark-haired woman of foreign descent ordered one grilled cheese sandwich with a presumed Italian accent as multiple American men stared at her. She waited three to four minutes for her sandwich to be ready and then proceeded on to another section of the tent where she was spotted once again eating alone before departing at an unknown time.

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