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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Sunday, 27 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Sunday

27 September 2026

1135 Zulu

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Army · Page 4

Army interior decorating service fixes house, destroys neighborhood

Filed · 1544

CROSSVILLE, TN - The U.S. Army has reportedly fixed a family's leaky faucet in Crossville, Tenn., although Army sources have confirmed that most of the family's neighborhood was destroyed during the operation.

Maj. Paul Studwick said that Operation Dripping Thunder, launched by the 3rd Brigade, 1st Infantry Division had successfully fixed the plumbing in the Tosetti family household at 2230 last night and that elements of the 3rd BCT had already begun to redeploy back to Fort Knox, Ky.

The Army has been conducting similar community outreach programs to highlight the many uses of the military as the war in Afghanistan winds down.

"Most people say the Army is only good at breaking things and killing guys," Studwick said at a press conference held in the smoking remains of Crossville's former town hall. "But as we move forward, I think Dripping Thunder shows that an Army at peace can still do many useful things."

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