CARLISLE BARRACKS, Pa. — The Army War College formally welcomed its latest class of future brutal dictators this week, a spokesman announced this morning.

“We are very pleased to inaugurate our newest class of terrorists, communists, and up-and-coming anti-American tyrants,” said spokesman Lt. Col. Tam Nguyen. “In twenty years, when we are fighting three or four of these psychotic despots, we will really be happy to count them among our former matriculants.”

The War College has a long, proud history of teaching megomaniacal autocrats the finer points of warfare. It counts among its alumni such shining stars as Manuel Noriega, Idi Amin, and Slobodan Milosevic. (Khalid Sheikh Muhammad did not physically attend courses at the Carlisle campus, but took satellite courses from a sister school in Greeley, Colorado.)

Whether it is blatantly stealing UN grain shipments meant for their own citizens, or raping and cannibalizing their own cabinet Arslan-style, sources say these future heads of state will certainly benefit from the organizational and leadership skills they learn here at this fine U.S. military school.