The following is a guest column by Commander Craig Napoli, USS Dwight D. Eisenhower (CVN-69) Supply Officer

Well, this is awkward.

Don’t look now, Arlene, but guess who’s standing behind you, talking to Dan and Janelle Newkirk back over there between the buffet table and the glory hole? Frigging Josh Rosen is who. Yup. As in, Lieutenant Commander Josh “I’m the neediest, clingiest, most annoying admin officer to ever serve aboard USS Dwight D. Eisenhower” Rosen.

Well, so be it, I guess. It’s a free country, and I suppose Rosen and his lady have just as much a right to be here as everyone else who paid the door fee, brought their own condoms and lube, and was sure to provide a Mexican-themed potluck dish.