The following is an op-ed written by Robert Crane, an obese man who never served in the military but steadfastly supports the troops.

When the Eagles cut Alejandro Villanueva, the organization showed its true, unpatriotic colors and its hatred of America. Villanueva was an Army Ranger and he has a Bronze Star with a V for valor so he deserves to be a defensive starter.

Hey Eagles, you know what language we speak in America? That’s right, English. And why? Because of our military. If the minutemen hadn’t defeated King George we’d all be speaking French or some shit. Your namesake is the bald eagle, the symbol of our freedom, and you just fired the living embodiment of that freedom.