RAQQA, SYRIA — Citing a growing number of westerners who have joined the ranks of the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIS), representatives of the terror group told reporters their successful recruitment campaign was successful due to relaxed grooming standards and a liberal tattoo policy.
"Our secret is having little to no standards whatsoever," said ISIS recruiter Winston Al Noob. "Our grooming and hygiene standards are nonexistent and you can pretty much have a tattoo on your taint and we wouldn't care. We'll practically let any turd off the street join. We also save a bundle on soap."
In recruiting images posted on social media sites, ISIS seems to understand its target audience quite well.
"Rebellious? Discontent? Ready to do something different with your life? Thinking of joining the military? Well ISIS has a message for you: 'Screw that! How about joining an outfit that gets to kick ass!' reads one image, which was found on Instagram under the hashtag #JihadOfOne.
