First Sergeant Not Guilty For Summary Execution Of Shitbag

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FORT DRUM — Soldiers across the Army are expressing their outrage today after 1st Sgt. Grant Sullivan was found not guilty in a case of murder in the first degree, citing an obscure military regulation dating back from the time of the Civil War. Sullivan was arrested on Jun. 9, 2013, after he shot Pvt. Martin Wembly in the head with his 9mm pistol during an altercation on a live fire range.

“The little shit was always at an appointment, or claiming he needed to talk to a counselor every time I needed him to do something,” Sullivan explained after his arrest. “Of course when I would tell him the only appointments available were on a Friday afternoon he’d suddenly feel a lot better."

"I swear to God I think he was bribing the PA to sign all those profile slips. Who the hell can’t take a PT test because of vertigo?” he asked.

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