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Artilleryman starves to death inside hearing test booth

FORT CAMPBELL, KY — A soldier assigned to the 1st Brigade of the 101st Airborne Division was found dead this Monday in the Soldier Readiness Processing Center (SRPC) by fellow service members, according to base security officials. Sources report that Sgt. Aaron Sanchez allegedly succumbed to starvation after two weeks alone in a hearing test booth, because his tinnitus prevented him from hearing most frequencies.

"Old Sancho died trying to pass eh? That's nothing!" Sanchez's supervisor Sgt. 1st Class Christopher Barber yelled at reporters. "Two of my redlegs got run over by a train the other day!"

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