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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 116 · Monday, 28 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 116

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Duffel Blog

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Vol. 15 · No. 116 · Deployed worldwide

Monday

28 September 2026

1029 Zulu

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· Page 2

Marine identifies as someone who did not get a DUI this weekend

Filed · 1539

CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — A Lance Corporal with Headquarters Regiment, 2nd Marine Logistics Group, who is accused of drunken and reckless driving after she allegedly clipped two Provost Marshal Office vehicles while passing through the main gate, claims she self identifies as a sober driver with a clean record, Duffel Blog has learned.

On Monday, Irene Hays, 27, was being read her rights under Article 31 of the UCMJ when she announced that she culturally identified as someone who drank responsibly and was otherwise completely sober throughout her weekend liberty, witnesses say.

Hay's company First Sergeant was immediately rushed to Naval Hospital Camp Lejeune to treat a brain aneurism. He is reported to be in stable condition despite Hays' assertion that she identifies as a teetotaler.

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