FORT BRAGG, N.C. — As the Army's latest round of troop cuts gains momentum, the service has tried to foster a new culture of voluntary quitters with the new "Army of None" and “Be Small As You Can Be” marketing campaigns, it was announced today.

“Even though most soldiers were afraid for their jobs at first, the idea of a completely self-imploding Army is starting to resonate with the resentful guys we're already kicking out,” Army Un-recruiter Staff Sgt. Michael Dietrich said. “The long-term goal is to get our volunteer force back to pre-1776 levels.”

For the most part the "Army of None" concept has not been effective at all, as all 40,000 of the troops in the first round of cuts have no civilian potential and left the armed forces against their will. Dietrich says the un-recruiting campaign is not to blame. “The slogans and posters are doing as good for the draw down as they do for preventing rape and drunk driving in the Army."