PODUNK, Ky. — A potential terrorist attack on an Army recruiting station was thwarted last week thanks to the vigilance of Podunk native Sgt. Cletus McIntyre, local authorities confirmed.
The culprit, identified by McIntyre as 23 year-old Alfred Kader, was released from custody after investigators failed to uncover any incriminating evidence beyond Kader’s suspicious taste in twangy, earsplitting music rife with chauvinistic and religious overtones, heard blaring from his white Toyota Hilux.
“Dadgum Al Kader showt up in here, but I showt ‘im right out that there daggone door,” McIntyre said, pointing to the door of his trailer home, which doubles as Podunk’s only U.S. Army Recruiting Station.
“Not in my domicile!” McIntyre added proudly.
