THE PENTAGON — The Army Reserve today elevated their terror threat level to "Meh," increasing it from level "*Yawn" for the first time in over two years. The increase in threat level puts Reservists on higher alert for potential attacks and calls for increased security measures.

The increased threat level is in response to recent terrorist attacks in Paris, San Bernardino, and a recruiting center and Naval Reserve Center in Chattanooga. Officials emphasize the response is unrelated to recent terrorist attacks in Mali, Lebanon, Syria, Nigeria, Niger, Iraq, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Chad, Egypt, Tunisia, Cameroon, Somalia, Turkey, and Yemen.

"We don't really care about those," said a senior official at the Pentagon, referencing terrorist attacks carried out by Islamic jihadists in non-Western countries in the last three months.