LANGLEY, Va. — A CIA Paramilitary Officer is disappointed to learn that his job isn't "just like Splinter Cell," Duffel Blog has learned.

Capt. Nathan Dorsett, a decorated Army Special Forces soldier, is one of several USSOCOM officers loaned to the Special Activities Division nearly two years ago. However, in spite of his elite training, he has so far spent very little time actually sneaking around in the shadows and more time writing really dry intelligence reports, with at best a little blackmailing of foreign government officials.

"My old CO told me the CIA had an open slot for an SF officer, so I jumped at the chance to trade my heavy rucksack and FAST helmet for a high-tech sneaking suit and three-lens thermal goggles," says Dorsett. "After all, I prefer stealth to kicking down doors or instructing soldiers who will desert anyway. In hindsight, I probably should have researched this more."