WASHINGTON — An examination of personnel records obtained through a Freedom Of Information Act request revealed that the Commander in Chief of the entire United States military, Barack H. Obama, has never had a single deployment to a combat zone. The discovery comes hot on the heels of revelations about other high-profile politicians' military issues, from Donald Trump’s Vietnam draft deferrals to Sen. Lindsey Graham’s questionable Air Force promotions.

“It’s true that the President has not deployed to any combat theaters in the Global War on Terror since his election,” White House Spokesman Josh Earnest confirmed. “But that’s only due to an accounting error at Human Resources Command which mistakenly rendered all White House personnel non-deployable. And once we discovered the error and corrected it, the President was totally, super excited about deploying. But then he got on a no-body-armor profile."

“Because, like, his back and stuff,” added Earnest.

Asked when the President’s profile was up and he would be on deployable status again, Earnest changed the subject.