WASHINGTON — Due to reports of excessive wait times and crisis calls being sent to voicemail, VA officials announced they are outsourcing all of their call centers to North Korea effective immediately.

According to VA spokesperson Lydia Ostin, the People's Republic had the most competitive bids for the project and no lead time to implement. She was also reassured by North Korea's project managers that, despite a few tweaks to the call format, the transition from the US to North Korean call centers will be seamless.

"Users will notice the speed at which they hear their first 'Death to American Bastards' greeting will be greatly increased," said People's Republic spokesperson Hong Gwang-suk, immediately before he was taken to a prison camp for speaking with Westerners. "Also, callers will be pleased to know we eliminated the requirement of entering social security numbers and home addresses by leveraging the OPM data breach from last October."