Rogue shirt stay kills Marine

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MCRD PARRIS ISLAND, S.C. – A Marine was killed when his shirt stay unexpectedly detached from his sock and struck him in the right testicle with the full force of Hooke’s law, sources confirmed today.

Staff Sgt. Jeremy Yates, 29, died while instilling a young Marine recruit with “some goddamn intestinal fortitude,” witnesses reported, adding that at the moment of impact, Yates grunted, eyes bulging, and sank to his knees gasping, “My God, why have you forsaken me?”

According to NCIS archives, shirt stay attacks are not unprecedented, although most incidents merely strike the fleshy part on the inner thigh or the cusp of the buttocks, leaving the victims in a state of shock, but alive and intact.

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