WASHINGTON — The Pentagon lost more than 1,000 man-hours of work over the past week due to fully grown adults blowing off work to look for Pokémon, a news release said today.

“I suspended training and gave the entire school a few days off,” said Capt. Kevin Byrne, commanding officer of Naval Nuclear Power Training Command. “Funny thing was it wasn't because of the students. All the instructors threatened to strike if they didn't get to play 'Pokémon Go.' I decided it was fine because it'll be the only exercise they've had in years.”

“Cell phones are forbidden in Rickover Center because of all the classified information inside,” Byrne added. “But I've suspended that rule because there's a venusaur on the third floor. Also I'm not worried about classified information anymore because nobody else is."