WASHINGTON, DC – In a move sure to please anyone born in the Neolithic Age, Gen. Robert B. Neller, commandant of the Marine Corps, recently announced the return of the “Old Corps.” Displeased with the modern-era Corps’ reliance on technology, Neller believes Marines can win the fight against ISIS by taking things back to the time before the birth of Christ.

“I’m tired of you friggin’ crybabies bitching about the shitty free Wi-Fi in the barracks and how the A/C doesn’t work in your Humvee,” Neller said. “When I joined the Corps, air conditioning meant running fast and making your own damn breeze.”

Neller cited recent incidents in which ISIS learned about US plans by following units on Snapchat and Twitter as the impetus for his plan.