WASHINGTON — After nearly 50 years of being inundated by impatient and ungrateful veterans, the Department of Veterans Affairs has announced a plan to replace examination and diagnosis with massive drug issuance; all of which will be done blindly.

The policy, which is set to take effect Jan. 1st, calls for the installation of large glass cases in every facility. Each will contain piles of black satchels jammed with a plethora of drug varieties that can be picked up without question or need to show I.D., sources say.

The details of the plan were laid out in a memo obtained by reporters that was written by VA Secretary Robert McDonald.