KOREAN DE-MILITARIZED ZONE — The Pentagon has deployed Defense Secretary Jim Mattis to the Korean de-militarized zone for a massive show of force against Pyongyang, sources confirmed today.

Flanked by a Navy SEAL Team as B-1B bombers flew overhead, a shirtless Mattis engaged in a rigorous workout as North Korean guards looked on. A number of guards expressed terror as the secretary knocked out 100 consecutive pushups while simultaneously singing Toby Keith's "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue," a senior defense official said.