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Actual issue preview

This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.

Story Roundup

Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.

Situation Report

A State Department map that relocated most of Africa, one ambitious government travel card, and 5,200 medical students moved from dorms that definitely do not have mold.

Weirdo waits until after watch to masturbate

MANAMA, Bahrain — A sailor onboard the USS Truxton acted like a total weirdo by waiting until after watch to masturbate, sources confirmed today.

Operational Specialist 3rd Class Jack Winter finished standing topside rover at 2 a.m., turned in his firearms, and then masturbated in the berthing head.

His actions went against thousands of years of military and naval traditions, according to a senior defense official.

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