For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Join thousands of troops, veterans, and defense insiders who read Duffel Blog before breakfast.

“A must-read for national security nerds.”

—The Daily Beast

Free. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.

14years publishing

4,200+dispatches filed

17,000+readers briefed

· Page 2

Marine off duty has no friends

By Duffel Blog Staff · Bureau · 1 minute

Filed 5 October 2022 · 1534

CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — Marine Cpl. Tony Bergman has no friends, even while he is not on duty, Duffel Blog has learned.

The 24-year-old infantry mortarman has been spotted alone in the barracks every weekend for three consecutive years, according to sources. Several of his peers claim they even avoid speaking to Bergman after Wednesday afternoon "just in case he tries to make plans for the weekend."

Bergman's leadership has tried to ignore the issue, hoping it would resolve itself.

Also on this page

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Army

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Staff says senator’s three-month absence was “routine National Guard obligation”

Pentagon

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

White House sources say object would bring “much-needed stability” to Pentagon