NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Following outrage over a viral video in which an Air National Guardsman reenlisted while wearing a dinosaur hand puppet, Tennessee National Guard Adjutant General Maj. Gen. Terry Haston announced punishments effectively ending the lengthy careers of three senior guardsman, sources confirmed today.

The most senior officer, an unnamed colonel who administered the reenlistment oath, was immediately forced to retire at a reduced rank of lieutenant colonel. This is also the same rank at which Jeffrey Sinclair was forced to retire after making a plea bargain to reduce sexual assault charges to guilty pleas for adultery, mistreating a junior officer, soliciting explicit photos from female officers, possessing pornography in a combat zone, and abusing a government charge card.

“I hope this sends a message to all our soldiers and airman that attempting to inject some light-hearted humor into a sacrosanct military ceremony is a serious offense,” said the portly general, as he reached his hand into a bag of pork rinds.