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National Guardsman refuses to guard nation

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SACRAMENTO, Calif. — A team leader in California’s 49th Military Police Brigade has publicly decried the Trump administration’s plan to send National Guard troops to curb border crossings and says he would refuse to guard the nation, sources confirmed today.

“When I joined the National Guard I didn’t raise my hand and swear to guard the nation,” Spc. John Ferrell told CNN’s Anderson Cooper. “I am not a tool of the patriarchy and refuse to assist in stopping illegal immigration because no human is illegal.”

When asked if he was planning to disobey the orders of the President, Ferrell said, “last I checked this would be disobeying Putin’s orders because the election was rigged by Russia!”

Ferrell, a student at UC-Berkeley on the GI Bill, claims that the plan to send his brigade to the border on a 29-day rotation violates the contract he signed when he enlisted in the Army 12 years ago, which said he would only have to work one weekend a month and two weeks a year.

“The only contracts the Drumpf would know about are the ones he has paid to the poor porn stars he pays to have sex with,” he said. “This president took Miss Daniels and made her feel like a whore, Anderson. Do you think she likes the entire world knowing who she has had sex with?”

According to Ferrell, the Coast Guard should defend the US-Mexican coast against drugs while the National Guard assists units at war. And he said he’s angry that Trump can’t be taken seriously because he has small hands and uses elementary insults to prove points.

“Have you seen his hands? They are tiny compared to Obama’s hands. And you know what they say about hand sizes, Anderson,” he mumbled. “Sorry to excite you, Anderson, but the fact of the matter is there’s no combat award for border service, you know why? Because we don’t use the military to protect a racist nation.”

Despite Ferrell’s comments, Operation Phalanx, authorized in 2010 by President Obama, sent National Guardsmen to border crossings in the Rio Grande sector of the US-Mexico border along with an additional 25,000 troops in the Laredo sector and 21,000 in Arizona. The operation is credited with stopping more than 64,000 illegal crossings and 300,000 pounds of drugs.

“This is a slippery slope, Anderson,” he said. “Before we know it we will have to police our streets and do things like stop riots. I mean, is there even enough Monster and pizza down there to keep us fueled for the entire month?”

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