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Admiral Ackbar indicted in ‘Fat Jabba’ scandal

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YAVIN IV — The Rebel High Command announced Thursday it had indicted several Rebel officers for fraud and bribery, including the legendary Adm. Gial Ackbar.

Ackbar, along with several other senior members of the Rebel Alliance, are suspected of an elaborate scandal involving the notorious intergalactic gangster, “Fat Jabba.”

According to investigators, Rebel Calamari cruisers, Corellian Corvettes, and Nebulon-B frigates would frequently dock at spaceports owned by Fat Jabba, who would charge the Rebel Alliance double the normal rate for space fuel. In exchange, Ackbar was treated to lavish seafood dinners, tickets to see the Max Rebo band, and was frequently seen with a pair of Twi’lek prostitutes.

Authorities arrested Ackbar and other Rebel officers in a massive sting operation, eventually catching Ackbar mid-coitus with an underage Ewok while staying in a luxurious Coruscant hotel. Still, lawyers for Ackbar have alleged that Rebel authorities themselves are guilty of entrapment.

“It’s a trap!” Ackbar said in a written statement.

Rebel Alliance officials were tight-lipped over any punishment Ackbar may receive for siphoning off billions of New Republic credits to a disreputable criminal, but sources indicate Rebel leader Mon Mothma is considering demoting Ackbar to lieutenant colonel and retiring him with full benefits.

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