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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Duffel Blog

Established 2012 · Deployed worldwide

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

1043 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
· Page 2

This hometown hero ties your wife down with yellow ribbons when you deploy

Filed · 1533

CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — A hero on the home front is doing his part for the troops by tying your wife down with yellow ribbons, sources confirmed today.

After standing at attention to see you off, Joe D. Wallace led her to your car and drove her home. What a gentleman!

His selfless act of heroism took place roughly 22 minutes after you deployed, sources say.

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