This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
Bowser withdraws airships from world 7 despite plumber victories
MUSHROOM KINGDOM – King Bowser plans to withdraw his airship fleet from World 7 after plumbers Mario and Luigi delivered the koopa king numerous setbacks, sources confirmed today.
“We’ve won victory after victory, from Bob-omb battlefield to the Donut Plains, all the way to Yoshi’s Island. This war has been going on since 1985, and it’s time to bring our brave koopa-troopas home,” Bowser said in a press statement aboard his flying clown car, a massive “Mission Accomplished” banner unfurled behind him.
Despite Bowser’s statements, his top generals insist that they were never consulted on the exit strategy.
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