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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

1317 Zulu

Next edition Monday

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· Page 2

Pentagon announces war lineup through 2030

Filed · 1531

WASHINGTON – The Pentagon released today the official lineup of planned U.S. wars through the year 2030.

Policymakers state that the primary goal of the project, known as the ‘Murican Combat Upsurge (MCU), is to regenerate public excitement over the military industrial complex.

“We haven’t had a real, classic blockbuster war since World War II,” said President Donald Trump. “Sure, the Gulf was okay, but that was a small, made-for-TV war. I like big wars.”

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