FORT HOOD, Texas – One Army specialist experienced a wave of emotions today when his Ancestry DNA test revealed that he hails from a long line of POGs, sources confirmed today.

“I always felt like there was something driving me to serve my country in combat,” said Pfc. Darren Hotchkiss, a laundry and bath specialist in the 157th Quartermaster Company. “Well, not IN combat … but you know, close to the action … but not TOO close.”

Hotchkiss’ mother bought him the DNA test as a birthday present to help him find out who of the 32 men in her AIT platoon was his father. The test results immediately linked Hotchkiss to a number of family trees where he found that serving America’s warriors ran deep in his blood.