THE PENTAGON — General Mark A. Milley, new Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, has filed a formal grievance after discovering the outgoing chairman left him a book full of dong art.

Milley was sworn in on the last day of September, replacing Marine Corps General Joseph F. Dunford. But within an hour of moving into his new office, Milley shut down operations to draft his complaint and recall request.

“I’ve worked with Marines my entire career, so of course I expected some dicks. Maybe on the margins of the National Defense Strategy or Sexual Assault Accountability and Investigation Task Force notes” said Milley. ”But this is just unprofessional bullshit.”