WASHINGTON — Impeachment fever is sweeping the nation and the military’s most vocal barracks lawyers are providing confident, baseless, and often unsolicited commentary on the House impeachment hearings in both traditional and social media outlets.

“They got nothin on my boy Trump!” Spc. Nathan Sledge, esquire, tweeted to his twelve Twitter followers earlier this week. “All the Demarcates have produced so far is just heresy. Plus, they can’t convict him if he pleads the fifth … habeas corpus and certiorarituri and so forth.”

Sledge, a cavalry scout who graduated sine cum laude from Tallahassee Correctional and Life-Skills High School, has been offering legal counsel from his barracks room since he left basic training 12 years ago. Though he is not a constitutional barracks lawyer, he specializes in 2nd Amendment rights.