WASHINGTON, D.C. – At a surprise press conference in the Rose Garden this morning, White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham announced that the United States had annexed Kuwait, which will now be considered the 51st state.
Grisham assured reporters that the move would not affect ongoing military operations in country. “Disruption on the ground will be minimal,” she explained. “Kuwait already doesn’t count as a deployment, so this is really just an administrative change.”
Service members’ reactions were mixed. Within hours of the press conference, monitors and detailers were flooded with messages from those poor, unfortunate souls stationed at Twentynine Palms, NAS Lemoore, Fort Drum, and Minot Air Force Base. All of them were eagerly requesting PCS orders to Kuwait.
However, news of the annexation was received poorly by staff officers across the Department of Defense, who stand to lose one of their most reliable sources of Bronze Stars.
A senior Trump administration official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, says plans are already in place to make Okinawa the 52nd state.