WASHINGTON — Lost in the nostalgia of developing an inexplicably useless combat uniform for use in an asinine war that didn’t need to happen during the 2000s, Army leaders are scrambling to come up with as stupid of a uniform as possible in time for the outbreak of an unnecessarily developing conflict with Iran, sources confirmed today.

“The Pentagon is a flurry of activity,” said one unnamed aide. “Our generals are tirelessly developing plans to equivocate the Army’s ability to win a war that will surely last decades in a country whose population has been taught to fight us to the last person for generations, and whose landmass is more than double the size of Afghanistan, but that hasn’t stopped them from brainstorming up an outrageous new uniform whose stupidity will only be outshined by the march towards this fabricated war.”