Skip to content
DUFFEL BLOG

Free military brief. No CAC required.

For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Join thousands of troops, veterans, and defense insiders who read Duffel Blog before breakfast.

“A must-read for national security nerds.”

—The Daily Beast
Subscribe form

Free. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.

14years publishing
4,200+dispatches filed
17,000+readers briefed

The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Thursday, 1 October 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Three editions a week, paid for by our subscribers

Vol. 15 · No. 117

Worldwide edition

Reader supported

Delivered 3× weekly

America's most trusted military news source

Duffel Blog

Established 2012 · Deployed worldwide

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Thursday

1 October 2026

0718 Zulu

Next edition Friday

← Front page
· Page 2

Nation's defense contractors promise no attack against US will go unprofitable

Filed · 1551

WASHINGTON — Following calls for revenge after a U.S. strike which killed Iranian General Qassem Soleimani, American defense contractors have promised that no attacks against the U.S. will go unprofitable.

"Let us assure the American people right now, any strike against the United States and its citizens will be met with swift and costly acquisitions programs," said Raytheon spokesman Derg Douglas. "With the full weight of our lobbying and manufacturing infrastructure behind us, Congre—I mean Iran will have no choice but to bend to our will."

Also on this page

Your Cart

Your cart is empty

Browse the shop to find something you like.

Continue Shopping →
Subtotal

Add more for free shipping.

✓ You qualify for free shipping!