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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

0703 Zulu

Next edition Monday

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· Page 2

Afghanistan refuses to breakup with US

Filed · 1551

KABUL, Afghanistan — Despite America’s best efforts to leave Afghanistan, the central Asian country refuses to accept the breakup. Afghanistan responded to the latest attempt by texting, “Oh no you didn’t.”

America’s social media relationship status with Afghanistan has long been listed as “It's complicated.’ The open relationship involves a lot of financial support for Afghanistan’s lifestyle, corruption, and a rotation series of nations that continually play around with Afghanistan’s borders and zones These paramours are mostly European, but occasionally other exotic nations—depending on Afghanistan's needs.

The relationship has been a roller coaster of promises, failures, small successes, and disappointments. America has long tried to leave but seems unable to quit its longest war.

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