WASHINGTON — As the Army evaluates several prototype aircraft for its Future of Vertical Lift modernization initiative, one coal-powered tiltrotor is quickly gaining popularity with Congress.

“This amazing piece of machinery is something our troops just really, really need to deter clean ener—ahem, the Russians,” said Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV). “Plus, coal power is organic and all-natural, unlike processed fuels like petroleum, biodiesel, and ethanol.”

The new aircraft, dubbed the V-29 “Super Emu,” was designed by Bell-Textron and boasts twin coal-fired steam boilers, each capable of producing more than 7,000 horsepower. Designers tout the Super Emu’s ability to deliver half a fire team into the crucible of combat at whistlestop speeds in excess of 40 knots.