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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Sunday, 27 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Sunday

27 September 2026

1910 Zulu

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· Page 2

Coronavirus stricken soldier just thankful he’s not stationed at fort polk

Filed · 1551

DJIBOUTI — An American soldier battling a potentially life-threatening coronavirus infection is just thankful he is not stationed at Fort Polk, Louisiana.

“I try to keep a positive attitude because there are always people out there who are worse off,” Pvt. Wallace Simpson told reporters. “I mean, think about it: Right now some poor soul is getting orders to report to western Louisiana during the prime of their life. So really, I should be thankful for what I have.”

“The worst that could happen to me is just dying.”

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