THE PENTAGON — The yearly Force Readiness and Future Investments report from the Pentagon identifies key areas of R&D investment for future acquisitions programs. This year’s report took extensive consideration on the environmental concerns of running the military’s aviation missions. In an effort to be good stewards of the Earth, top officials have declared that the next generation of fighter jets will be “greener.”

“We have come under significant pressure from the public to field ‘greener’ aircraft,” noted a Pentagon acquisitions spokesman. “The ice caps are melting. Species are going extinct. California and Australia are on fire. Heat waves are the new normal. We needed to think greener.”

”And nothing is greener than a crisp Benjamin.”