This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
Space boot won't stop wearing exoskeleton out in town
WILD HORSE, Colo. – Eyes rolling with the centripetal force of a parabolic orbit, sources derided a newly minted space cadet’s efforts to impress the local populace today, unanimously cataloguing the Space Force’s freshest specimen as a “total fucking boot.”
“Fuck, could he possibly try harder?” asked Tech Sgt. Emily Waller. “This douche is trying to pick up girls in his exoskeleton like it’s a pair of gray sweatpants.”
Waller gestured towards the Mk IV Expeditionary Powered Armor, Rugged, housing one intrepid, young man by the name of Space Cadet First Class Toby Danville.
On cue, Danville, 17, approached a trio of young women.
More Stories
Hegseth mistakes getting older for declining military standards
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Duffel Blog’s Top 13 ideas for solving the Iran War
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Americans begin thanking troops for future service
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Pentagon limits combat casualties to normal business hours
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DoD reclassifies sexual assault as 'flirting' under new policy
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Fat Leonard releases sex tape as part of presidential pardon campaign
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