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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Friday, 25 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Friday

25 September 2026

0009 Zulu

Next edition Monday

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· Page 2

CyberCom scrambles after lieutenant accidentally deletes Alaska

Filed · 1550

FORT MEADE, Md. — Chaos erupted this week at U.S. Cyber Command’s Joint Operations Center when, while conducting routine internal training, Air Force 2nd Lt. David Larson inexplicably deleted the State of Alaska. Sirens blared and red emergency lights flooded the JOC shortly after Larson demonstrated on a projection screen “a neat trick” he taught himself from his laptop.

“Every week, we have someone conduct some training to the Floor [the collective workspace for JOC personnel],” explained Master Sgt. Julian Vargas, pausing for a moment from shouting commands to staff running frantically across the operations area. “I thought for sure he was going to show some stupid gif import thing in Powerpoint.”

“But before I even knew what was going on, we all watched him highlight Alaska on a map that I’ve never even seen before. Then it was gone. Just—gone.”

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