THE PENTAGON — Gloriously spreading its wings as it clawed its way through layers of finely woven silk, a newly metamorphosed Secretary of the Navy emerged from its cocoon this morning to assume its post.
“It’s so magnificent to see these SECNAVs transform from dull, harebrained corporate bureaucrats in their pupal stage into colorful secretaries of a military department in just a few short weeks,” said military ecologist Sharon Blank. “I only wish we could see them flap their wings on the northern Virginia breeze a bit longer. But, alas, they are all fated to resign in disgrace after a matter of months, whereupon their tired bodies are sacrificed to the apex predator Jimicus mattisus.”
The head post in the Department of the Navy has changed hands numerous times over the past three years, and experts are worried the local population of SECNAV larvae may not be able to support the changes.
“We’re worried we may have to start introducing non-native species into the post from the Army, or, God forbid, the Air Force,” said secnavologist Kurt Basterson. “We’re closely monitoring the hatch rate of SECNAV pupa, but two or three more firings this year may be too much.”
Others remain optimistic. Even in times of world war, they say, wild SECNAVs have been able to adapt to all manner of crises.
“That’s just the circle of life. One secretary dies, and another emerges from its chrysalis to take its place,” said Blank. “At least their discarded bodies are put to good use keeping the ravenous Jimicus mattisus at bay.”
“We believe this carnivore would ravage the entire population of lesser military leaders if not for this easily obtained food source.”