THE PENTAGRAM — During a Friday press conference, Gen. John W. “Jay” Raymond announced the selection of the Tardigrade as the official Space Force mascot.
“Much like the Marine Corps has the bulldog, the Navy a goat, and the Air Force the Blue Falcon, we felt some type of animal would the best selection.” Gen. Raymond said during the presser. “The selection committee, made up of myself and my secretary did an exhaustive search. We’re very happy with this choice.”
“The Tardigrade can survive extreme environments. It can withstand the frigid Antarctic, volcanic heat and even the vacuum of space.” Gen. Raymond continued, “It was really a no-brainer. We really didn’t put much time into it.”
“And it had nothing to do with Star Trek.”
Academy cadets were less than enthused by the selection.
“Me and some others were concerned about traditional fight chants. I can’t say the word, or I’ll get canceled. But the short form of the nickname—like, the first four letters, plural—might be a little problematic,” said Cadet Jason Luras. “Go that word, go!”
“Not a good look.”
Chief Master Sgt. of the Space Force Richard Töberman took the criticism to heart, “Now that you’re saying it aloud—yeah, we might have an issue. After I finish up this putt I’ll be making some phone calls.”