Japanese Emperor Admits Pearl Harbor 'Kind of a Dick Move'

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CHIYODA, Japan — This morning, on the 73rd anniversary of Pearl Harbor, Emperor Akihito admitted in a public comment that the Japanese sneak attack that brought the United States into World War Two was “kind of a dick move.”

"We are taking the time to express Our regret for a wrong committed over 70 years ago," the Emperor began. "This week, after seeing a news report about a Pearl Harbor veteran ceremony, We thought to ourself, 'Man, that was kind of a dick move, We should probably make an expression that acknowledges that.'"

The emperor said he used the American slang to make his message more heartfelt and appealing to his US audience, according to a Japanese political analyst.

"Really, what the hell were we thinking? That was a really weird time for us," Akihito added.

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