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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 121 · Sunday, 11 October 2026

Pentagon

Hegseth opens up new TradWife MOS

Army says new career field will allow warfighters to focus on lethality while someone else remembers the kids

DTS works properly after hack by rogue AI

Lincoln sailor returning from deployment already broke

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Vol. 15 · No. 121

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Vol. 15 · No. 121 · Deployed worldwide

Sunday

11 October 2026

0631 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
Intel · Page 2

Access to printer 3242678.mcqc//s3 earned, never given

Filed · 1539

FORT MEADE, Md. — Access to networked multifunction printer/scanner/copiers is a “privilege not a right,” according to Pfc. Michael Lund, who works closely with an information technology contractor responsible for making such bold determinations of strength and character. Printer 3242678.mcqc//s3 is the pinnacle, and Lund says, "Only the best" get access to it.

“When someone walks in thinking that since they work in Building 3287 room 18 that I would automatically give them access to 3242678.mcqc//s3, they’re not seeing the whole picture," reported Lund, who has been assigned to Fort Meade since his graduation from basic training and the 25B course. "I alone am the guardian of 3242678.mcqc//s3, a responsibility I take without hesitation or mental reservation.”

According to Lund, each batch of new IT support tickets is more weak-willed and feeble than the last and will surely be the end of the Army as we know it.

“In fact,” added Lund, “I’ve only had one person come in with their own cartridge to speed up the process. That guy understood the commitment and dedication to the Army team that makes us all stronger. He and he alone may have access to 3242678.mcqc//s3. ”

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