"Ask Top” is your semi-monthly advice column where you can get the answers to the burning questions you always wished you could ask. Our resident First Sergeant has been in every infantry battle since Vietnam and has banged more quiff than all of you numb-nuts put together.

His hobbies include chewing ass, laughing at Second Lieutenants, killing people with his bare hands, and telling soldiers to get their damn hands out of their pockets.

DEAR TOP: I'm in an infantry platoon operating in Afghanistan. We've had a few engagements thus far, and I've noticed that our Lieutenant is always freaking out. Instead of firing back or calling support on the radio, he's been screaming ADDRAC repeatedly. What the hell does that mean? -- ACRONYMED OUT in Jalalabad, Afghanistan

DEAR ACRONYMED OUT: First off troop, why the hell are you calling out an LT on the internet? You think I'm going to save your sorry ass? I've been in more firefights than your goddamned height in inches. But to adress your question, I think you should know that cherry LT's are something that you just have to bear. Obviously he's freaking out over the sound of AK-fire because it isn't like Call of Duty, and so his shock is making him revert back to his OCS training and throwing out weird acronyms hoping it'll impress the platoon.