KABUL, AFGHANISTAN — Officials in Afghanistan’s Independent Election Committee announced they are working closely with the United Nations to deploy teams of police and soldiers to the United States to provide oversight and monitoring services, and to help the U.S. secure its polling sites for the November elections.

"It is our duty ensure American citizens have a chance at a free and fair election,” Afghan President Ashraf Ghani told reporters from a blast-proof bunker at an undisclosed location near Kabul. “But we realize our advisors will have a difficult road ahead keeping peace on the violent streets of Portland and among the religious extremists of the Appalachian regions.”

“I’ve seen Deliverance.”